Affiliate Antics: Laughs & Lessons
With Lead Generation World, Affiliate Summit West, and the legendary Affiliate Balls just around the corner—and a new year of creativity and fun ahead—I wanted to kick things off with some laughs. As a copywriter who converts, the leader of FemalePowerPlayers.com, and the proud Gold Meddler (yes, I even have a hat to prove it!) in my fiancé Darren Blatt’s performance marketing businesses, I thought, why not spread some joy? If these jokes make you LOL—share the love! Let’s make 2025 the year of connection, creativity, and a whole lot of fun!
On Retargeting
Retargeting ads are like that one ex who won’t stop texting you. 'Still interested? Still love me?
On Industry Lingo
Performance marketers don’t speak English—they speak CPA, CPC, ROI, and WTF when the campaign tanks.
Marketers talk in super vague lists of acronyms so you have no choice but to book a meeting or join their pricey mastermind to figure out what they’re actually saying. It’s genius, really.
On Making Money Via Society’s Quirks
We love a good problem to solve, don’t we? 'People are stressed out, in debt, and can’t fit in their jeans? Sounds like a three-step funnel to me.
On Ballers and Bankruptcy
Performance marketers can go from Rolex to Ramen–and back– in record time. It’s not a career—it’s an extreme sport. Ready, set, pivot!
If it’s hard to tell the ballers from the beginners at the Affiliate Ball, just see how many people shout their name when they walk in and if their logo is on the screen or if it’s walking spam chasing you with a biz card screaming “Hi Dear!”
On Algorithm Anxiety
Performance marketers don’t just run ads; we run on coffee, KPIs, and the sheer terror that Facebook’s algorithm will pivot to chaos and call it a feature.
On Partnerships
Most partnerships are lucrative but some are so shady you’d think their HQ is located in the Bermuda Triangle.
On Metrics Obsession
CTR is the lifeline of every marketer. Forget the Emergency room—just show me my click-through rate and I’ll know if I’m okay.
On Biz Cards
Some seek out business cards like they’re Pokémon—‘Gotta catch ’em all!’—then disappear for three years and follow up like you’re best friends.
On Meeting New People
In this industry, you meet the same person about five times before it sticks. Then they show up in a neon orange tracksuit or get roasted hard for your random company name or looking sickly or by Jeff Ross or Ben Glieb on stage at the AFFY Awards, and suddenly you’re like, ‘Oh, THAT guy!
On Industry Secrets
It’s a spy movie vibe at these events—mysterious conversations, cryptic acronyms, and you leave with nothing but a branded stress ball and more questions than answers.
On Industry Shifts
The industry moves so fast, I’ve stopped trying to keep up. One minute it’s ACA season, last week it was debt relief, now it’s Ozempic until everyone’s skinny—or broke—and next week, we’ll probably all be selling asteroid insurance.